Without getting into the whole issue of whether offshore drilling is right or wrong, it's obvious that oil corporations aren't equal to the task of dealing with what happens when their wells blow, as we saw this year during British Petroleum's accidental oil spill disaster, now viewed as the worst in history. Now, 4.9 million gallons of oil later, the well was finally capped last month, and stressed BP executives, having announced their victory to the press, are no doubt off on decompressing vacations, somewhere far from the Gulf of Mexico.
Cut to a scene on a beach, where dozens of pelicans and cormorants are frantically preening themselves, attempting to remove a black coating of oil from their feathers, meanwhile ingesting the gooey substance and poisoning themselves.
Would you know how to rescue them? There are step-by-step instructions at WikiHow's "How to Clean Oil Off Birds."
Prepare yourself for weeks of backbreaking effort and discouragement, should you accept this mission. You thought you could just shampoo, rinse and cut them loose? First, you have to undergo training in how to calm birds that are already stressed beyond belief, then you don layers of vinyl to prevent contaminating yourself, and begin a series of sudsings that could take each bird through ten or 15 tubs of 1% Dawn and water solution (Proctor & Gamble is donating the Dawn). You learn to use a WaterPik to clean his head and eyes. You use a spa nozzle to thoroughly rinse the bird and a veterinarian's blow-dryer to dry him.
You monitor his recovery for days afterward, tube-feeding him with a mixture of food, vitamins and medications. You check that the natural waterproofing of his feathers has been restored by placing him in a therapy pool and watch to see whether he's able to swim and float. Then put him in cool water so he can acclimate himself to natural surroundings again. Find a place where he can be released without exposing him to yet another coating of oil.
Multiply this procedure times a thousand. Or move on to sea otters, seals, turtles.
